Wednesday, 12 September 2018

Uncle Gupta

Nobody exactly knew when uncle Gupta  came to Bhutan. Now of course the elders knew but nobody discussed uncle Gupta and  i or my friends could never overcome the fear of asking about him hence we never knew much about him. But from amateur sources i learned that he had come to Thimphu long before i was born or in fact long before any of my friends were born.

Uncle Gupta was a man of very little words. He always wore the same shirt and the same pants and went to work with an umbrella in his hand- summer or winter. He seldom spoke to anyone. I heard he works in the bank, but what work, nobody knew.

He lived alone in the flat below ours, in the first floor. He would go to office in the morning and come back in the evening with a plastic full of stuffs which I assume were veggies.

There was nothing we knew about him except one thing: he was tired of his house being a favourite spot for burglars. The burglars had visited his house for three times in last one year. He hated this the most. And i could see it in his brown eyes. The burglars too seemed to be fun loving people for they would not take anything from his house. They would only toss and turn his belonging. Everything would on the floor. And nobody had ever seen someone entering or leaving his house. No one ever even heard a sound from his flat, yet it happened for third time in a year. So it was anyone's guess how stressed uncle Gupta was.

Now one night, for reasons we never knew why he was up, at around midnight Gupta saw from his bedroom that a man was climbing the sewage pipe and trying to reach out the veranda of the first floor of the opposite building. Just as he saw this he realised he was the sole witness to a burglary in happening. A voice deep within told him this man trying to climb the sewage pipe was the reason behind all his distress. His blood boiled up. He turned red with rage.

He rushed down to the ground floor and and saw that the man still climbing the pipe. He then picked up a fist-sized stone and shouted a " hey you!" And hurled the stone at him. At this point everyone in the neighbourhood woke up and came out.

The stone exactly hit the head of the man. And he fell down on the concrete ground below from the first floor with a loud thud.

Nobody knows clearly about what happened after that. In the ensuing days, it only turned out that the man wasn't a thief but he  had actually lost the keys to his flat and was trying to climb up to his room silently without disturbing the neighbors at the pinnacle of the night.

Wednesday, 15 August 2018

You are yourself.

It's 1.31 am as I start writing this. I am at a small parking space in front of the food processing unit in Jungshina. I have parked my car here and I have decided to call it a night here in this car for tonight. I just returned from a birthday party and I am hit by subtle consciousness.

The party was great. We danced and sang. I met new people, new faces and new thoughts. There was laughter and there were smiles. There was music and there we sang together. As the party ended I dropped some of the new acquaintances to their homes.

And at the end I returned. All by myself with only my radio in the car singing me songs.

I don't have the audacity to knock on my sister's door at this hour of the night. So I take refuge in my car.

This triggers my mind on a voyage to understand life. I don't know if I will decipher anything before the sun rises. I don't know if I will ever fathom life, but here I am. All alone. All by myself. Where is the laughter. Where have the smiles gone? What's that thing that is eternal and if there is ever such a thing, will I ever find it?

I am consumed by reality of life. Every now and then, when the sun goes down and the street lights are lit, I am hit by the reality of life. All that you think is there in the universe for you is an illusion. When night comes up, you will find yourself again all alone. You will find you.

And tonight I endeavor to find myself a little closer than yesterday.

Saturday, 7 April 2018

I am myself.

If you ask me, if I am doing anything tangible, then let me say this again: I do nothing. I am neither employed nor a graduate. I am neither student nor unemployed. I don't have any work yet I don't stay idle. I dont earn but I stay alone, cook alone, eat alone and sleep alone  But what am I?

I am myself. I am loving myself. I am talking to me in the kitchen when I am cooking. I am talking to myself when I am driving around town. I say to myself what I am and what I need to be.

This I have found is a therapy. It heals my soul. Talking to myself, i have found is a balm. It's looking at the mirror. I love how the tip of my tongue touches the upper palate of my mouth where my upper front teeth is embedded to the jaw and how on each touch I pronounce a syllable. And how I can say "I am happy!!!" without the tip of my tongue touching the upper palate. Only the lips meet.

Sometimes I untether my mind and let it fly. It drifts back in time. It goes to the time when I was very stressed. To the time how each day was a year. Then it drifts past this time and halts to the time when was a stupid imprudent boy.

And I call my mind back again to the present and I find myself in the sofa. Palms sweaty, armpits wet. Blood rushing and heart beating like a drum. Then I walk to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of water, drink it down. The cold water moves down my throat and as it reaches my stomach I cool down. It cools me. And I go to sleep.

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Travelling and discovering self.

I out of blue travelled to Gomtu. It was a wonderful journey. It was my first time driving to Phuntsholing and Indian plains although I have driven on the plains of Dehradun.

The enormous road narrowed down when we started ascending to the top of chapcha and once we reached the peak we descended again all the way to chhukha then to Gedu and finally in the plains of Phuntsholing. It was beautiful, driving through fog and mist. And when we reached the plains, warm air greeted us with its own manifestation of spring. The spring in Phuntsholing was strikingly different from spring in Thimphu for Phuntsholing offered warmer and dense air while Thimphu still retains it's cold and only allows few flowers to grow and puts all its efforts in reviving the natural gold. Peaches and plums are seen in its pinnacle of beauty.

While the plains had different to offer. The air was warm and dense. It was noisy. But it rekindled the days from Dehradun. There were Teak plantation and as I drove on the road that cuts through this plantation it felt as though I was in Dehradun. Same air. Same vegetation and of course with it brought same melancholy.

Gomtu, however was vibrant. It never slept. The factories worked its engines all through day and night. The air was dustful and a layer of smog had settled above that watched the Gomtu town carefully of its happenings.

Its already end of March, 2018, and I have already travelled to several places. I believe this year is the year of travelling and discovering the places around and finally discovering myself.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Banning myself from being social.

Social networking sites, I have realised,  have robbed me off all my time which I could have invested in doing good things in my life. Social media has created a hole in my life so big that it sucks all my time into its abyss and leave me no good time for other progressive events in my life.

A little time I get I take my damned phone and spend hours on Facebook that reaps to nothing but lose the prospect of being able to achieve my goals. In fact Facebook have blurred the distinctiveness of my goals. All my time was used in reading the pointless news feed on Facebook that I had very little or no time to myself to think and layout the plans to grow myself nearer to my goals. 

The platform that Facebook has provided has become a battlefield of comparison. You compare your life with the people who have cropped out the sour edges of their life and showed fragments of their almost sweet life in photographs. You see they have been visited by friends or the other friends are going home. Or the other one has got a job. The one who failed the ninth grade has a baby now. Then you see how the shy girl who studied with you in tenth grade and had no prospect of her being even uglier grown into a fine model like lady in the college. Of course all in photographs and when you finally accidentally meet her in person how you realize that she hasn't actually changed much and you were only being deceived, altogether by the lady, the photograph and social media.

But this isn't the reason why I stopped using Facebook there's even more bigger picture which you might not have realized. Mark actually trades your time with the advertisers and gets himself paid. Have you ever wondered how he makes money? You see Facebook is free for anyone to use but you also know that Mark made billions of dollars from Facebook. But have you ever wondered how he makes money from Facebook? Well let me burst the bubble for you. Facebook takes all our information and makes statistics of it. Like the region, our likes on pages, our activactiveness and so on and he sells this information to the people who want to post their ads. Based on statistics produced from our information he sets the target for the ads and earns billions. Let me burst a bigger bubble to you, he makes money from your time on Facebook and your information. Each of us spend a lot of time making money for him. 

So I am am keeping myself away from social media now. Also it would help me to find the solitude I need to listen to the inner voice. The-gut-voice some people call it. Let me be a little selfish, because from my act of being selfish some learned the beauty of solitude, isn't it? So trust me it's all going to reap good. I trust my gut.

Monday, 19 March 2018

The Person I Did Not Want To Be

People always said that they have figured out whom they want to be but it was different for me for I had, even as a kid, figured out whom I don't want to be. I knew whom I don't want to be. It was distinctly clear whom I don't want to be.

I did not want to be a person without purpose in life. I did not want to be someone who was at the verge of failing out. I did not want to be person who is being robbed of the prospect of him making others happy. I did not want to be someone who was a wreck. A wreck who is being formed of pieces of feeble hopes. I did not want to be a person with a abyss in his heart which can never be filled. I did not want to be a person who wants to run away to a secluded place. I didn't want to be a person who seeks solitude and often soliloquy in loudness in absence of someone else. I did not want to be someone who is lost.

But you see, I thought so much about whom I don't want to be that I exactly became whom I never wanted to be.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Solitude seeking

all the means of reach, he abolished
and now in a room of only walls
he has chosen to be,
often soliloquizing
and it's a therapy he has found.

all it might be well with you, he hopes
also the change in his demeanor
he thinks, you will forgive.
to be together again by a fire
and share one's tale,
it's just only in months.